Moralising, bigoted London businesses, tourist attractions and residents' groups met at City Hall on Monday night by invitation of the Mayor of London to voice their concern over the granting of a licence to the Rembrandt lapdancing club near London Bridge. Inevitably, no-one representing the adult entertainment industry was present as lies, assumptions and hysteria ran riot.
A representative of the London Bridge Hospital told the meeting: "Our hospital has 450 staff of which 85 per cent are women. The concern our staff and especially our patients have is that when previously a similar club opened close to the hospital, we experienced literature of nudity (!!!) on our forecourt when we came in in the morning."
Chris McCracken, chair of the Shad Thames Residents Association, added: "The Shad Thames Association aims to encourage a safe and welcoming environment that local people can be proud of. This proposed lap dancing club is wholly inconsistent with our aims, and will encourage crime and anti-social behaviour in an area that has become increasingly popular with families and children (again, we ask: where is the evidence for this?). We are deeply disappointed that Southwark Council have failed to properly consult residents, and have failed to listen to our concerns. We hope they will now recognise the depth of local feeling and take urgent steps to address this issue."
James Bidwell, chief executive of Visit London said: "It’s an area that Visit London promotes strongly, as well as the location we chose for our new offices. A lap dancing club will do little to add value to the area’s growing character and appeal. We believe there are plenty of better uses for the site."
Another bar or overpriced tourist trap perhaps? Speaking of which, Colin Thomas, who manages the nearby London Dungeon, described the proposal for a lapdancing club as "irresponsible and incongruous". The London Dungeon, for those of you who don't know, offers torture, pain, murder and misery as entertainment - clearly then a much more wholesome experience than watching girls take their clothes off.
Council leader Nick Stanton complained that his role representing residents of Riverside ward was constrained by the new legislation: "As the local councillor, I too have voiced my concern that a lapdancing club is inappropriate for the Tooley Street area, but the Labour government's new licensing law meant that I was not able to represent these views at the licensing committee.
"Labour and Lib Dem councillors on the committee had to follow the new law and were not able to make any judgments on the suitability of the area or on moral grounds.
"Unlike Westminster, which has many strip clubs, Southwark cannot introduce a 'saturation policy' and so, without objections from the police on the grounds of public safety, the committee was legally forced to grant a licence which is clearly unsuitable.
"It is vital that Labour's new law is now reviewed both to allow councillors to represent their local communities and to allow licensing committees to consider the location of a licence when making a decision."
We say it's more vital that these idiots stop trying to enforce their moral views on everyone else and stop lying to get their way. Good luck to the Rembrandt - all Striporama readers should make a point of visiting when in the local area.

To the surrprise of no-one, the Scottish Executive's Adult Entertainment Working Group has recommended sweeping restrictions on adult entertainment.
To force the industry 'up-market' and 'reduce the risks of prostitution' (how condescending on both levels!), there should be a ban on all private booths in bars and clubs, while lap-dancing, pole-dancing, stripping and other forms of live adult entertainment should be controlled by a new national licencing regime, regardless of where it occurs.
The report says dancers should not be allowed to touch themselves, and sets out a graphic list of simulated sex acts it says should be banned.
The changes are among 11 recommendations being made to ministers.
The group also recommends what dancers and strippers should not do. Allied to the ban on booths, insultingly designed to limit the opportunity for prostitution by ensuring no activity occurs out of sight, the report says there should be CCTV in all venues. Councils will also be able to decide whether full or partial nudity is appropriate in each venue.
The recommendations will now be considered by Tom McCabe, the minister for public sector reform whose remit includes licensing.
Introducing a new type of licence will require primary legislation at Holyrood, but as an interim measure licensed premises could be covered quickly by attaching new restrictions on licences.
Meanwhile, the Working Group also reported that Glasgow's four lap dancing clubs - much hated by the prudish local council - are boosting the city's economy by more than £6million a year. Overall, the Scottish industry is worth £22.1 million a year to the Scottish economy, while some full-time lap dancers are earning a massive £60,000 a year. Hardly sounds like down-market exploitation to me...

Yes, the Bad Boys of Burlesque are Back!
Striporama's very own Club Mondo returns on May 18th to the opulent and luxurious Cabaret club (22 Fletcher Gate, Nottingham) with a whole bevy of dancing girls, live music and glorious indulgence. The club now has its very own website too!
Live music comes courtesy of The Fighting Cocks, London's finest gypsy punk exponents, of whom Steve Lamacq said "imagine riot-girrrl meets The Prodigy. Or Something. They sound like Digital Hardcore foursome Lolita Storm in a boxing ring with a snake-charming rapper..." while Q Magazine claimed they were "careering all over the line separating genius and lunacy". Sexy, raunchy, loud and lewd, this is a band not to be missed!
Dancing on stage for your pleasure will be:
The Painted Lady - Winner of the Stripper of the Year at the 2004 Erotic Awards, she is almost single-handedly waving the banner for traditional striptease in the face of watered down versions that shed clothes mindlessly without any hint of flirtation or seduction.
Baby Bones (pictured) - a fire breathing, sword fighting Geisha Goddess!
Miss Rhapsody Angel - Our own tattooed temptress returns after her triumphant debut to tease and twist again.
The Deville Dolls - the dancing girls (and boys) will once again delight you by vamping it up!
And you can expect more names to be added to the bill so watch this space!
On top of all that, we will once again have our rare 8mm glamour and stag movies playing on the big screen, and Rocco Stagliano, DJ Spuff, Stiff Kittens and guests will be giving you the chance to dance the night away with the finest in lounge, rockabilly, exotica, sleazy rock n roll, electronica, movie soundtracks, dirty blues, J-Pop, kitsch tunes, swing and more, Expect the unexpected!
Our last audience were a fine looking bunch and we hope you can all top it this time. Leave the jeans, T-shirts and trainers at home for the night and instead go for glamour, 'Moulin Rouge', Vamp Noir, Black Tie, Lounge Lizard, Uniform, Fetish, Porno Chic, Femme Fatale, Cosplay, Harem Girls, or just plain Suited and Booted! There will be a prize for the best dressed table/individual, so don't hold back!
Tickets are just £6.00 in advance (available from the website) or £7.00 on the door. All artists subject to contract. We reserve the right to refuse admission. See the website full the full list of boring terms and conditions, more info and photos.
Club Mondo is not for the weak of heart or the weak of imagination. But that isn't you, right? Be there or most definitely be square, daddy-o!

The new Dublin Stringfellows club will go bankrupt in the next month, a lap dance trainer has claimed.
BillieGean Finn said the club is empty most of the week, and the only busy time is the gay night.
She commented "the girls are not happy because they were told they would earn EUR3,500 a night when they joined the club. But instead of making a fortune they are sometimes making EUR100 a night. They are under huge pressure because the management is so strict. They are all living in fear of putting on a few pounds -they were ordered not to eat too much over Christmas."
Perhaps no coincidentally with this badmouthing of Stringfellows, Finn revealed plans to start her own club, boasting "I am the Queen of Irish lapdancing and could have trebled Stringfellow's money. People who can have a laugh and a joke with the punters is what keeps them coming back."
Peter Stringfellow denied the claims and said he was "delighted" with the Dublin club.
"It is laughable - in two to three weeks I am going to Dublin to hold a party to celebrate the success of the club. We run a night-club that just opened less than three months ago - of course we have had some teething problems. But you would have teething problems opening a coffee shop let alone a night-club like Stringfellows."

A new television reality showwill feature porn stars testing their serious acting abilities in London's theatre district.
My Bare Lady will cast four as-yet unnamed US porn starlets in a classic piece of drama to be performed in the West End. They will undergo a crash course in acting in three episodes on the Fox Reality cable and satellite channels later this year.
"It's a wonderful tale of redemption," said David Lyle, general manager of Fox Reality. "Do they want lines that are a little more challenging than 'Oh, here's the pool guy...'?"
Actually, I can't remember the last time I heard that line in a porn film, which suggests that Lyle and his buddies are none too familiar with the porn industry, where decent acting is surprisingly easy to find (certainly easier than on UK or US soaps, certainly...).
"If they can move a London theatre audience to applaud, they have done pretty well," said Lyle. Well, not really - don't they applaud the likes of Martine McCutchen?

A teacher has been fired after she posed topless - not for a girly magazine, but as part of a health feature in Cosmopolitan.
Kristina Howells bared her breasts alongside 14 other women l in a feature headlined How Normal Are Your Breasts?
She wwas quoted in the magazine as saying "I love my breasts because they are different. They have hairs around them and they're small. They're big enough for my partner to be satisfied and he loves them because they are unique."
But such raucnhy revelations were too much for Harvey Grammar School in Folkestone. She was called into the head’s office shortly after publication of the pictures - taken before she joined the school in February - and fired.
Howells said: "I was really upset. I can't believe it — all I did was appear topless."
She had been hired after a previous male teacher left over allegations he downloaded adult porn on school computers. Sounds like the school is dominated with a culture of priggishness.
Deputy head Phil Harding said: "Miss Howell's services are no longer required."

You and I might see Brixton as one of the most drugs-and-crime riddled area of London, but apparently it is in fact a sleepy little place which will be irreperably damaged by the opening of a strip club.
Eduardo Gomes has applied to Lambeth council for an adult entertainment licence at Max 2 in Brixton Road, allowing topless dancing and striptease.
If granted, the licence could run from 10am daily until 1.30am on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays; 3.30am on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays and until 11.30pm on Sundays.
No big deal then, but inevitably, loony local residents and religious bigots have been moved to object.
Local prude Sander Murray said: "I was shocked to hear that the end of this quiet street in the heart of Lambeth would even be considered as a venue for a back street strip bar. We absolutely object to this establishment in our neighbourhood."
Mandy Newlove added: "To grant a licence like this would bring undesirable people to the area which could in turn bring unnecessary crime to our doorstep and subsequently cause the area to degenerate."
Reverend Robert de Berry of St Mark's Church in Kennington, said: "I would imagine that issues of crime and disorder, just by the nature of the business, will increase and public safety will be endangered."
Yeah, but as a vicar, you imagine quite a lot that isn't backed up with any facts...
Gomes said: "I have applied for the licence because customers want something for the weekend and I think it will attract people in."
The licensing committee is due to consider the application at its meeting at Lambeth Town Hall in Brixton on Tuesday.

In a thoroughly depressing article on the BBC's website, sour-faced feminists have attacked the popularity of keep fit pole dancing courses, and said that strippers and dancers are prostitutes.
The sad article by Jacqui Head begins with her friends attacking her for "perpetuating the culture of pornography that we live in" after she told them she'd been attending pole dancing classes. Rather than reassess the sort of reactionary dullards she hung out with, Head then went on a thoroughly unnecessary spot of soul searching.
Although a number of people in the article defend the courses - though rarely actual pole dancing clubs it must be noted - the prize comment goes to ghastly old school man hating, anti-sex feminist Sheila Jeffries, author of the cheery sounding Beauty and Misogyny: Harmful Cultural Practices in the West (the West, eh? Presumably she prefers the freedom offered to women in Muslim countries then).
"Often when pornography is normalised it comes in the form of art," she ranted. "The same has happened with burlesque. We are now in what I call the 'pornographication' of culture. Pole dancing is perpetuating a culture of prostitution. It's not actually prostitution because they're in a class but it's the codes of prostitution and practice that they are engaged in."
Jeffries then went on to lament the decline of hate-filled feminist dogma over the last two decades.
"How have we come to this, where a vicious industry that does something so horrible to women and girls has become so normalised? It's desperate. What it shows is that women are far from being equal."
Well, speaking as a 'pimp' (after all, I run events featuring strippers!) I would say this - but the sex industry only exploits women when forced outside the law, and there is no evidence that it causes criminal behaviour OR changes attitudes. It's sad that the tired old hard line feminists, still stuck in dated 1980's thinking modes, can't just accept that their argument has been exposed as nonsense, shut up and go away.

Burlesque superstar/Mrs Marilyn Manson Dita Von Teese will be doing a couple of book signings in the UK over the next few days. But if, like most of the population, you live outside London, then too bad - once again you've been ignored.
Dita will sign her new book Burlesque and the Art of the Teese at Waterstones in Harrods, Knightsbridge on April 22nd from 2pm - 4pm. On Sunday she appears at Borders in Oxford Street from 6.30pm - 8pm.
She also appears on Jonathan Ross' BBC One chat show tonight.

A Burnham-On-Sea nightclub may host lapdancing after a request submitted to town planners got the go-ahead on last week.
Shakers night club - basedin a building previously used as a Quaker chapel - had requested a variation to its licence in order to open until 4am on Fridays and Saturdays, and introduce occasional lap dancing.
Inevitably, two formal objections have already been lodged against the proposal. Former Mayor Louise Parkin said: "You have two different sides here - those who want the town to stay an old, quaint, slightly behind-the-times place and those others who want it be brought up to the minute."
She didn't say which of these she felt was the better option, but given the nature of politicians, we imagine she's happy to live in the past like a museum piece.
Town councillors gave cautious approval to a limited extension of trading hours and the introduction of lap dancing.
Shakers had applied to extend its opening hours to 11pm-2am every night between Sunday and Thursday, and 11pm-4am on Fridays and Saturdays. But councillors said they were concerned about noise and nuisance problems in the area.
Cllr Peter Clayton told the council that it only has a limited number of issues it can use to complain about a licensing application and added: "What we can object to here is very limited. We can't simply make a moral judgement, even if we are against lap dancing."
The committee gave a thumbs-up to the proposal on the condition that no advertisements of an adult nature be placed outside the club.
The application now goes to Sedgemoor District Council for a final decision.

Baywatch star, Playboy playmate and porno home movie pioneer Pamela Anderson is performing alongside dance troupe turned godawful popsters The Pussdycat Dolls this weekend in Las Vegas.
Pam will help the girls - famed for the past input of Carmen Electra and a host of Hollywood sex symbols - celebrate the first anniversary of the Pussycat Dolls Lounge at Caesar's Palace hotel.
It's not her first time on stage with the girls - In 2002, Pam, Carmen, Christina Applegate and Nicollette Sheridan joined up with the dance troupe for a surprise show in LA.

I guess we can't expect consistency from the addled minds of most pop stars, but really... Pink - who we reported last month as wanting to open a chain of strip clubs where she herself would perform (and you'll forgive us if we're not overly thrilled at that prospect) has once again been banging on about the subject. She apparently likes the idea of performing nude.
"Why can't everyone just be naked. That's what I love about being the artist, if I had a casting couch for my videos," she is reported as saying.
"I'd be like, 'Take your stuff off and shake it.'"
Well, the reality is that no-one is stopping her from getting her clothes off on stage or having naked girls 'n' guys in her videos. But I guess in reality, she's only too happy not to upset the applecart, preferring instead to issue headline grabbing soundbites.
And let's not forget that her last promo video mocked singers who appeared in skimpy outfits, and she has attacked the popularity of Paris Hilton amongst teenage girls who apparently think the idea of your own sex tape is pretty cool. Stupid Girl indeed...

Stourbridge's first lap dancing club, Heaven, opened last weekend.
Owner and Pub Watch chairman Steve Cartwright said the club would be strictly run and was for over 21s only. The new club could employ up to 15 dancers.
Prudish Stourbridge MP Lynda Waltho said she was disappointed it was opening: "I fear it will undermine recent efforts to restore Stourbridge to a more family friendly venue for all ages at night times and may give Stourbridge a sleazy name tag."
Yeah, because Stourbridge's reputation across the world previously had been SO enviable...
However, unusually sensible Councillor Les Jones, who is spearheading the revamp of Stourbridge town centre, welcomed the club. He said: "If we want to make the town more cosmopolitan we have to embrace things like this."

Enterprising Leicestershire carwash owner Jon Bevins has come up with a novel way of beating the competition - he's employed a bevy of young women to wash cars topless!
The idea certainly seems popular - the carwash attracted 200 people in its first week while the website had 9000 hits in the same period. And why not? For just £25, you get four topless girls (a few shown here with a presumably satisfied customer) washing your vehicle, which is certainly comparable to the prices of most pole dancing clubs.
Although all nudity is confined to the indoors, local prudes and busybodies have inevitably started to bleat. One looney villager - ashamed enough to stay anonymous - commented "it lowers the tone. You might as well open a brothel or a sex-shop. It just doesn't seem right. Everyone is up in arms about it. It’s attracting Peeping Toms."
However, Bevin's business is entirely legal, and he plans to expand into Derby and Nottingham. We wish him luck!

21-year-old royal brat Prince Harry and his army chums visited the Spearmint Rhino club near Slough to celebrate the end of his army training, according to newspaper reports this week.
It is reported that the Swastika-loving offspring of Princess Diana and - ahem - Prince Charles refused the offer of a lap dance at the club, but instead enjoyed watching several dancers disrobing.
Inevitably, royal supporters - much the same sort who would normally campaign against such clubs opening - have been defending the visit.
Former Royal press secretary, Dickie Arbiter said it would not matter "one hoot" if the prince had been there.
"He's let his hair down, and so what? So many thousands of other people do exactly the same thing. He's a 21-year-old, he's just finished 12 months at Sandhurst which is pretty gruelling for anybody and he's doing what thousands of youngsters do when they graduate, whether it's from Sandhurst or whether it's from university."
Terrible novelist and friend of Prince Charles, Jilly Cooper, told Five Live anyone shocked by the prince's actions was "really very prudish".
"I mean he had a lovely time. He obviously got on with his mates. He passed out in very gruelling circumstances - he may well have to go to Iraq (yeah, right...).
"He's under a lot of pressure. And then he goes out and has a jolly evening. I can't see anything wrong with it at all."

Italian football team Pontedera Calcio, curently playing in Serie D, have appointed three new presidents - Polish lap dancer Karolcia, porn star Valentine Demy and the English rapper Prodigal1. The new appointees were unveiled in a ceremony presided over by Ilona Staller, aka Cicciolina (pictured). The former MP and porn superstar commented. "I will always support Pontedera, I hope they will always win."
The club is owned by the multinational Gunther Corporation Nassau, which administers the money inherited by a dog called Ghunter from the countess Carlotta Liebenstain in the 1990s.

A planned Scottish government clean-up of the sex industry could put the women working in clubs in danger.
A Scottish Executive taskforce is due to report next month on whether tighter controls are required for strip bars and clubs. After beingh presneted with factually dubious and one-sided 'evidence' (as we have reported on numerous ocassions), the committee is considering a number of steps including banning private dances being offered to customers and forcing all strip clubs to hold entertainment licences.
But industry experts have warned that a clampdown could force many bars out of business and see an increase in the number of performances outside licensed premises.
Ana Lopes, founder of the International Union of Sex Workers, said a similar clampdown in London did little to improve the rights of performers.
She said: "If the committee comes out with recommendations that are too harsh then it will make things worse for performers because many bars just won't bother and there will be fewer places to work. The demand for adult entertainment will always be there but if the scene goes underground then there is more chance of people being exploited because we will not be able to monitor it.
"The focus of this group should be support for the full labour rights for workers and improving their working conditions."
Steve MacDonald, of Big Daddy O's showbar on Lothian Road, said: "We have to wait and see what the group recommends but our dealings with them so far have been good.
"We hope the group will continue the sensible and exemplary self-regulation practices that take place in the industry at the moment."
The working group published the findings of a three-month consultation on public attitudes to adult entertainment last year which found that two thirds of people believed that lapdancing had a negative effect on performers, audiences and society at large. Among the reasons for objection were claims that lapdancing was linked to organised crime and a heightened risk of attacks of women in the streets surrounding lapdancing venues. None of these beliefs were backed up with any factual evidence of course.
Four-fifths of those who responded to the consultation felt that more controls were needed in the adult entertainment industry, with one in four idiots calling for an outright ban.

The coach of the Duke University men's lacrosse team resigned on Wednesday, hours after police released documents containing an e-mail purported to be from a team member in which strippers were threatened.
The barely literate e-mail was sent shortly after a party in March where a North Carolina Central University student said she was pulled into a bathroom, raped and beaten while performing as an exotic dancer for the lacrosse team.
In addition to accepting coach Mike Pressler's resignation, Duke President Richard Brodhead also cancelled the No. 2-ranked team's season.
Brodhead called the e-mail "sickening and repulsive" and said the student who sent it likely would be suspended.
The e-mail - allegedly sent by team member Ryan McFadyen, an obvious social and sexual inadequate - reads as follows: "tommrow night, after tonights show, ive decided to have some strippers over to edens 2c. all are welcome. however, there will be no nudity. i plan on killing the bitches as soon as the walk in and proceding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex."
You can see the actual email at http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0405061duke5.html
Forty-six members of the lacrosse team have submitted DNA samples to police as part of the investigation. Test results on the DNA haven't come back yet, and no charges have been filed yet.
The case split the university campus in recent weeks, with groups of students and some professors demanding a strong response from administrators while others cautioned against prematurely judging the players. Right... we at Striporama hope these scumbags get what they deserve, and that the fuckwit who wrote the email is sliced and diced by strippers in the near future...

Megastar reports that a holiday brochure for a cruise company has been printed in two different versions – one for the German holidaymaker and one for the British.
The difference appears in a phot illustrating passengers enjoying a co-ed sauna together. In the UK version, there are bikini tops and trunks superimposed onto the models. But in the German version, the fake tourists are all naked.
The Germans were thought to have a more liberal attitude to public nudity. A representative from Ocean Village, the cruise company involved, said, "The Brits are a bit more modest about these things."
Megastar chose to illustrate this story with this entirely gratuitious nude shower shot. Naturally, we are shocked and only reproduce it here to show our disapproval of such low tactics...

Nude dancing is heading for Newmarket with the announcement of a new club.
Club M, which has been closed for about a year, is set to become Heaven - though of course for anti-sex bigots, it'll be closer to Hell.
The move follows more than three years of controversy which has seen previous bids to open similar clubs dubiously thrown out by the local council after opposition from small but vocal minorities.
But now the club looks set to over-ride opposition because there is existing planning permission for a nightclub and its entertainment licence would allow naked dancers to perform.
The new club is set to be run by Rob Bell and Jason Newell, whose bid to convert neighbouring offices into a lap and pole dancing club were rejected a year ago when planning permission was refused.

Bigots living near Stoneleigh Park agricultural showground have welcomed a decision to ban lap and pole dancing.
The Royal Agricultural Society of England had applied for a licence enabling it to hold events featuring lap dancing, but were turned down. On what basis we wonder? After all, they can hardly say it was in a residential area.
David Storey, managing director of Stoneleigh Park Ltd, said the contraction of the agriculture sector in the UK had forced it to diversity into hosting a variety of events.